Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself. Circumstances dictate that I may no longer remain silent. We, through the course of this campaign, have had diarists make outrageous claims as to their unique knowledge of Sarah Palin. We have heard from someone who lived in Alaska. Then someone who lived in Wasilla. Now up on the rec list, we have heard from someone who worked under Sarah Palin - the Grand High Poobah of this state. This being the situation, I can bear it no longer, that these imposters, pretenders and charlatans try to claim that they can give you the true inside story of Sarah Palin. NOBODY, but NOBODY knows Sarah Palin better than me, and I'm here to spill my story.
I am a bacterium floating in Sarah Palin's stomach, and I'm here to spill my guts (so to speak) Follow me after the fold.
We all know that Governor Palin has a problem with the truth, well let me give you the inside scoop. Her entire image is a sham. Mooseburgers? Please. Sarah hasn't had anything heartier than a Cobb salad in years. I've seen women who eat moose here in Alaska, and let me tell you, your rump starts to look amazingly similar to the animal your eating when mooseburger is a big part of your diet.
Now I know you must be saying, "Hey, bacterium in Sarah Palin's stomach, maybe something is getting by when you are not paying attention?" Well, Mr/Ms. Look Who Knows So Much, don't just take it from me. I have a signed affidavit from another bacterium I've been dating in the colon (the commute is killing me) and she will agree that we have got the situation covered from both ends. That's the straight poop (as it were).
I have been with Governor Palin for most of her life. I suffered through the midnight feedings of 3 bags of cheetos back when she smoked pot when it was legal in Alaska. Damn munchies. I suffered through six years of college, when Sarah was eating ramen and mac and cheese at four different institutions in all parts of this great nation. I have survived the storms of stomach acid and bile of when she was persecuting underlings for her own purposes or being asked a question on foreign policy, and I have known the calm seas of the stomach juices when she was being prayed over by witch doctors, staring at the majestic shores of Russia, or slaughtering wolves with an RPG. When Palin was pregnant with Trig, not even her family knew until 7 months into the pregnancy, but I knew the day after conception (The red blood cells in the uterus cannot keep a secret to save their lives)
So unless you hear it from me, you are not getting the true inside story.
Also, did I mention the lactose intolerance?
p.p.s. If this has already been diaried by another organism in Governor Palin's body, please let me know and I will delete.
